Movie Reviews no image

Published on January 25th, 2013 | by simeon

0

Parker

So I, being the girl that I am, wasn’t exactly keyed up to go and see a “shoot-em up” style action flick — you know, the kind that Jason Statham excels at? My boyfriend, however, is like most red-blooded men and found this movie right up his alley. Perhaps it was due to the fact I “owed” him from cashing in my chick-flick points and making him watch “the Painted Veil” with me the other day; perhaps it was because my choice of Redbox rentals had been rather lackluster in comparison. Either way, he was looking forward the the prospect of this movie review far more than I.

“Parker” starts off in Ohio where Jason Statham’s character (Parker) is working a job with four other men. The job seems to go off without a hitch until the end when Parker discovers an innocent man died in the process, thus starting “beef” between he and one of his partners. The apparent boss of the crooks then asks Parker to join them in another job, requiring him to give up his share of the loot to contribute to the upcoming job. Parker politely declines and, of course, this doesn’t sit too well with the crooks. As predicted, they then turn on him and Parker is left for dead on the side of the road.

As we know, Jason Statham’s characters are indestructible. I mean, this was covered in both “Crank” movies so the audience should be well-versed in how this goes down, right? Of course, Parker survives and thus starts on a path of revenge. Mob bosses are involved, hits are put out, etc. Regardless, his journey takes him to Palm Springs where the four crooks who betrayed him are preparing for their next big job.

Now, you’re probably wondering where Jennifer Lopez is in all of this (yes, JLo has a part in this movie – I know, I feel your pain too). Given that her last decent flick was “the Cell” and “Selena,” I wasn’t expecting too much from her character. As Parker is making his way down to Palm Springs, the movie then focuses on JLo’s character, a depressed and rather broken divorcee living with her mother and desperate for a commission from her job as a real-estate agent. Cue in Parker, dressed as a wealthy Texan, and looking to buy a home in Palm Springs. Of course we see JLo checking him out and basically throwing herself at him because, well, that’s what all us desperate women do, right? We throw ourselves at rich men when times are hard without taking much else into consideration (like, say the cop – who comes across as a decent guy – who wants nothing else but to date her. But hey, he’s not Jason Statham, right? Pfft!). Regardless, JLo finds a way to weasel herself into helping Parker’s character and thwarting the four thieves who betrayed Parker. Luckily for all of us, JLo advances are shut down and we don’t have to fall witness to another “Gigli”.

Is the movie some amazing cinematic masterpiece? Absolutely not. Are Parker’s flashbacks cheesy and annoying? Of course. But we are talking about an action flick and one that doesn’t disappoint in lots of blood, gun fights, knifing action, and Jason Statham being an overall badass.

Will your girlfriend love this movie? Probably not. Will you, you red-blooded hunk of testosterone, love this movie? Probably. It is, after all, geared towards your sex. And, just in case the blood and fights don’t do it for you, there are more than enough exposed breasts throughout the film keep your interest piqued.

So if you’re looking for a good revenge-style action flick, this one is decent enough. It won’t win any awards, but it won’t leave your poor girlfriend screaming for the hills either. JLo’s performance, however, that’s just inexcusible….

3 stars out of 5


About the Author



Comments are closed.

Back to Top ↑
  • Find Fair & Safe gambling sites at the Online Casino Canada Top5
  • CryptoCasinos offers crypto and bitcoin guides for everything that's gambling-related.
  • CoinCasinos compare the best crypto betting sites available around the world.
  • Looking for a new casino offer? Find out all new online casinos with our outstanding list of gambling sites
  • Best online pokies real money no deposit with free spins, sign-up bonus offers and welcome bonuses offer players great winnings chances, opportunities and a wide range of features by trusted providers. Among the most popular pokies for real money are: Dolphin Treasure, More Chilli, Where's the Gold, 5 Dragons, etc.
  • If you're looking for a low deposit casino, click here to see a list.

    Info on CasinoAdvisers.com
  • Do you like playing games online? Try your luck and choose one of the best casinos Canada with our all-in-depth guide.
  • Looking for a new gaming experience? Choose the best online casino from our list and try hundreds new games!
  • Those interested in CSGO gambling can check out the new 2022 guides at BestCSGOGambling
  • Visit CasinoScout.ca for online casino's in Canada

    If you want to play something fresh and innovative, we recommend that you check out the best slingo casino sites recommended by CasinoPilot.

    Start your casino journey by signing up at a new no deposit casino listed on NewCasinoUK and enjoy the latest casino games.

    Grab the best live casino bonuses for Canadian players on https://livecasinoonline.ca/casino-bonus and enjoy the live casino experience with dedicated offers.
  • Recent Posts

  • Categories

  • Archives